Navigating Friendships as a Leader: Real Friends and Deal Friends

As leaders, we are well aware of the significance of relationships in achieving personal and professional success. However, it is essential to recognize that not all connections are created equal. I recently came across an insightful idea in Arthur Brooks' book, "From Strength to Strength," which introduces a distinction between two categories of friendships: "real friends" and "deal friends."

Real friends are those individuals with whom you share deep bonds. You trust them implicitly and openly confide in them about your aspirations, fears, dreams, and setbacks. Real friends truly understand who you are and accept you unconditionally. They stand by your side through thick and thin, offering unwavering support.

On the other hand, deal friends are acquaintances whose friendship is primarily rooted in convenience or mutual benefit. While you may enjoy their company, the level of intimacy and connection is comparatively lower than that of real friends. Deal friends may assist you in times of need, but they may not consistently be present during your most challenging personal moments.

Having real friends in your life is of utmost importance. They provide companionship, guidance, and love, fostering personal growth and enriching your life with meaning. According to most leadership gurus, you can typically have around 3-6 real friends. Nurturing these relationships requires greater vulnerability, time, and resources, but the rewards are undoubtedly worth the effort.

While sometimes underrated, deal friends play a distinct role in our professional lives. They serve as valuable assets in achieving our career objectives. The essence of a deal friendship lies in mutual benefit. For instance, consider the situation where a friend of mine faced a legal nightmare at work during the early hours of the morning. They reached out to a deal friend who possessed the necessary network and expertise that none of their real friends had. In this instance, the time and effort put into establishing the deal friendship paid off significantly. Both parties benefited from the exchange, with the deal friend receiving substantial compensation for their help, and my friend grateful for the invaluable assistance.

As leaders, it is crucial to embrace both real friends and deal friends in your life. The key is to distinguish between the two because this enables you to nurture authentic relationships while leveraging the right deal friends to accomplish professional goals. However, it's essential to remember that if the relationship is not mutually beneficial at some level, you may need to set appropriate boundaries or consider parting ways to focus on what truly matters.

Let's appreciate the value of real friendships while acknowledging the role of deal friends in our journey. By striking a balance between the two and discerning wisely, we can establish a supportive network that fosters personal and professional growth, ultimately leading us to success and fulfillment.